The Song Inside of Me
by writeonkay
Summary: Kendall Knight had to be the best big brother in the world for taking his little sister to some stupid pop star's concert just because he was her favorite. James Diamond? More like who cares. Kendall never in a million years expected he would.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N; So I mentioned on my Jagan fic that I was starting up a Kames story and boom. Here it is. Once again, it's basically all AU because I'm kind of a sucker for AU scenarios. I'll give a general disclaimer up front now (probably with each chapter that songs end up in, too) that the songs mentioned and/or quoted at any point in this story are obviously not mine, they belong to Big Time Rush [obviously] so. Now that that's out of the way. **_

_**I'm actually really excited to be writing Kames? My Jagan and Kames feelings are awful, they both get me. This is my first go with Kames, though, so hopefully it's not terrible.**_

_**Anyway! Hopefully this sparks some interest and you guys like it! Reviews are awesome and super appreciated. Thanks a bunch!**_

_**-Kay.**_

* * *

**Chapter 1-**

This was honestly one of the worst possible ways Kendall could ever think to be spending his Friday night. On a normal occasion, going to a concert would have been like being bestowed a gift from the gods. He loved concerts, loved the vibe that hanging out with friends and jamming to a favorite band made him feel. Because that was when he felt most alive, most at home, listening to music he loved. This concert, this was not music that he loved. The concert hadn't even started yet and he was tired of being there already.

"This is really stupid." He raised his voice to be heard over the excitedly chanting girls in the venue.

Katie elbowed him sharply in the side. "You're stupid."

Kendall rolled his green eyes. He knew that if his mom didn't have to work at the hospital that night that he wouldn't have been lumped with the responsibility of taking his twelve year old little sister to this lame concert for her favorite pop star. Whatever his name was. Honestly, he hadn't paid much attention to the guy because he just didn't care. Katie had been obsessed with him for a year or so, but Kendall tended to walk out of the room or scroll up the volume on his IPod when she went on about him or turned on his poppy music.

"Why do you even like this Jim Dandy guy anyway?" He asked.

"His name is _James_." Katie scoffed. "James Diamond."

"Whatever." Kendall rolled his eyes once again. "Still just another Justin Bieber if you ask me."

"You take that back!" Katie shouted.

The blonde boy waved his hand dismissively and tugged irritably at the sleeves of his gray plaid flannel. He might not have been thrilled about having to spend his Friday night –especially not when it was the first Friday night of his post high school graduation life- with a thousand screaming little girls at an annoying pop concert, but he was also aware of the fact that it wasn't like it was a punishment of some kind. His mom would have taken Katie if she could, but work hours had to go up recently, what with a lack of child support coming in from his dad for him now that he was eighteen. Even he had had to pick up more hours at the grocery store during the week. He couldn't really blame Katie for being as excited as she was about this concert, given things like this were rare.

That didn't mean he had to be happy about it, though. He would have much rather been at home with his guitar, figuring out the lyrics he'd been fiddling with all week but hadn't quite figured out. Or maybe even next door at Logan's, beating his childhood best friend at Call of Duty for the hundredth time and listening to him babble on about the lack of importance that video game victories held anyway. Or.. well, just about anywhere but a freaking James Diamond concert, really. He would have even settled for running around the grocery store parking lot to round up carts.

"Why couldn't you like _good_ music?" He groaned. "I swear I taught you better than this."

"I'm a preteen girl, Kendall. I'm allowed to like more than just your mopey lyrics about how your life sucks and you get lost in someone's shiny eyes." Katie retorted.

"Hey, you do not get to bring my songs into this." He jabbed a finger at her.

It was Katie's turn to wave her hand dismissively at him. Kendall opened his mouth to make another comment, but suddenly the cheering grew louder, cutting him off. He wrinkled his nose up as the already dim lights that had been on turned down completely and brighter stage lights came on. Evidently it was show time. Katie jumped excitedly where she stood beside him, and he tried to remind himself that this was good, that at least Katie was getting to do something fun that she had wanted to for a while now.

_Be a man, Knight, be a man._

Being a man didn't mean he couldn't wish he had invested in ear plugs before the show, right?

The band began playing the intro to some song that was fast paced and energetic. It vaguely reminded him of the days where their mom would pull out her old New Kids on the Block CD's and get all nostalgic. Naturally, as his focus was at most concerts, Kendall's eyes went directly to observing the lead guitarist. He didn't exactly consider himself a master of the instrument, but after teaching himself how to play back in middle school, and since perfecting the art enough to be able to write his own songs, he had become something of a guitar playing critic. This particular guitarist bounced around too much for Kendall's liking. He wondered how he even managed to keep playing the chords he was supposed to while he was jumping all over the place.

After a few more bars of intro, Kendall noticed in his peripheral vision that another guy was coming out onto stage. Based on the fact that the screaming girls got even louder -something that he hadn't even been sure was actually possible- he assumed that it must have been James Diamond himself finally. Mostly out of curiosity, to see what all this hype was even about, Kendall glanced away from the spastic guitarist at the singer for a second. He had every intention of glancing away just as quickly as he had looked in the first place, but once his green eyes first landed on the tall brunette, he couldn't seem to force himself to look away.

Kendall had always found it incredibly annoying for some reason when girls felt the need to say a guy looked like he belonged in an Abercrombie and Fitch ad, but, holy crap, James Diamond definitely looked like he belonged in an Abercrombie and Fitch ad. Dark jeans hung low on his hips, otherwise clinging to his long legs. He wore a tight-fitting white t-shirt, one that hugged his toned torso beautifully, underneath a black leather jacket, the collar pulled upward in a way that Kendall might have usually thought looked stupid but somehow looked good on him. His brown hair looked like it could have just been a five second finger-run-through before the show started, but somehow Kendall knew it had to be styled that way to make it look tousled just perfectly.

The blonde had heard the phrase 'tall, dark, and handsome' before, but he had never really known anyone that it applied to. James took the cake.

There were only a few guys that had ever really struck Kendall's attention enough to make him realize that, hey, maybe he wasn't just into girls and was actually into dudes, too. One of them was Logan, because come on, best friend or not, seeing him shirtless in the locker room or when they went swimming together in the summer wasn't exactly easy to ignore. Another was totally Brendon Urie from Panic! At The Disco –which he would deny until his dying day- and evidently, one more to add to the small list was one James Diamond.

It took Kendall several moments to bounce back and regain himself enough to realize that James had actually started singing and gotten through almost a whole verse already. He cleared his throat, as if any of the young girls around him weren't already too busy screaming to notice him staring just as much as they were. Staring at a pop star just as much as his pre-teen girl fans. Well, that was a new low.

Kendall actively worked to try to be critical of the performance itself. He spent all of about five seconds trying to figure out whether or not he actually liked James's voice before he was caught up in watching his facial expression instead. He tried to focus on the fact that his stage presence seemed like just a lot of walking back and forth and hand gestures, but then he got distracted by the hands themselves, the splayed fingers and the veins running up along the back of them. There were the small dance breaks every now and again that he wanted to roll his eyes at, but he couldn't tear his focus from how lithe James seemed to be on his feet. It was like the harder he worked to find something to dislike or tear apart, the more he found that reeled him in.

This was going to be a long concert.

And it definitely was. After a while, Kendall tried to make himself irritated by focusing only on the fact that he was the only teenage boy in sight –and probably the only one actually at the show, period. He even tried to rev up some kind of jealousy. At other shows it wasn't so hard, because even when he was enjoying someone else's performance, there tended to be the typical 'that should be me up there' that ran through his mind. Just as he was starting to get the ugly green monster crawling onto his back, James decided to call attention to himself by actually engaging with the crowd. As if Kendall could actually ignore him talking.

"So, this is about the time that we slow things down a little bit," James started, having to paused to catch his breath.

The brunette sighed heavily and chuckled as he swiped his hand across his mouth. Kendall swallowed.

"I'm gonna have one of you come up here with me for this one, sit right up here next to- Well, there's about to be a piano." James continued, grinning.

Sure enough, there was a piano being rolled out by stage staff. Great, now the guy could play piano on top of it all. Just what Kendall needed. There was a bench sat by the keys of the piano and an extra stool sat near that. James turned back toward the crowd again with a dazzling, toothy smile.

_Never forgiving Mom for this one._

"Alright. Who would like to accompany me up here?" James asked.

Naturally, the crowd erupted into a fit out loud shouting and jumping up and down in excitement, wanting their favorite pop star to drag them up on stage and sing to them. Katie of course was one of them, and by some miracle, Kendall finally managed to divert his focus from the boy on the stage to his little sister. It would mean the absolute world to Katie to be picked, and Kendall knew that. He took a second to glance around at the girls with signs they were holding up, or the girls that were a several rows closer in front of them. They weren't too far from the stage, but they weren't exactly up front and center, easy to see, either. Biting his lip, Kendall opted to be essentially the best big brother in the world.

"Katie, get on my shoulders." He said, kneeling down to let the younger brunette up.

His sister looked at him confusedly for a moment and he laughed and shook his head.

"Come on, get on before he picks someone else."

That seemed to get her moving, because she quickly clambered onto him, climbing up just like she had done so many times in the past when she was littler. Of course, twelve year old Katie was a hell of a lot more to carry on his shoulders than say, six year old Katie, but he barely managed and was up on his feet with her waving excitedly from his shoulders a few moments later. Thankfully, the girl higher up than everyone else got noticed easily enough. James's eyes locked on Katie for a moment as he let out a light laugh, then they flicked to Kendall. Kendall met the bright hazel gaze for a moment and gave an almost pleading smile paired with a subtle upward nod in his sister's direction. James's smile grew just barely and he gave Kendall an equally subtle, but knowing nod before pointing out toward Katie.

"Little lady with the awesome brother there." He announced, earning a smile from Kendall. "Get on up here, darlin'."

Katie squealed excitedly and Kendall carefully lowered the girl down to her feet once again. She stopped to hug him tightly before rushing her way to worm through the crowd up to the stage. Kendall's eyes stayed on the twelve year old's brown haired head until she was climbing the steps on the side of the stage, then he finally glanced at James once again. As his eyes landed on the pop star, he caught James just quickly averting his eyes from him to focus on Katie as she moved across stage toward him.

"What's your name, pretty girl?" James asked.

"Katie." Katie answered, and even from as far away as he was, Kendall could see his little sister's face turn pink as she blushed.

He, however, couldn't wipe the proud smile from his face. Definitely the best big brother in the world.

"Well, Katie, please join me over by the piano, I've got a song for you." James said, holding a hand out for her.

Kendall fished his cell phone out of his pocket and got the video camera on it set up to record the moment, thankfully taller than most of the people in front of him so when he held it up there was no one in the way. The song was a lot sweeter than Kendall was anticipating. It was a slow melody, one that James played on the piano perfectly. His intense gaze alternated between being on the piano keys and being on Katie where she sat on the stool near him. The words of the song had something to do with loving a girl and missing her, no matter where he was. Half the girls in the audience were practically in tears as they sang along, while there was Kendall, standing there caught up in the meaning behind the words themselves instead of just wanting to be the girl on the stool.

After the song was finished, James stood and gave Katie a big hug, causing a smile to tug at the corners of Kendall's mouth once again. Later on he would never let Katie ever again accuse him of sucking, but right now the look of complete and utter happiness on his little sister's face was enough for him. Katie came bounding back toward him off the stage and immediately threw her arms around him, causing him to stumble back a step as he laughed while she muttered about twenty hurried 'thank you's to him.

"Don't say I never do anything for you." Kendall chuckled.

There were only a few songs left of the show after the piano was once again rolled off the stage. Based on the way that girls were still screaming and not clearing out right away, Kendall assumed there would be an encore. That was how concerts usually worked. He was expecting a couple more songs for it, but what he wasn't expecting was for James to come back out on stage sweaty, with a towel around the back of his neck, and wearing a black tank top instead of the t-shirt and jacket he had been wearing before. The tank top hugged his torso just as well as the shirt before had, but this left his arms visible, and if Kendall had thought watching him was distracting before, he wasn't even a little ready for the bicep display. There was no way that this guy did not work out in his free time.

Once the encore performance was finished, people started finally clearing out of the venue. Kendall stayed standing where he was with Katie for a couple minutes, letting more of the people traffic clear out. Katie was throwing out 'oh my god's and 'that was so amazing's repeatedly as she chattered away. Kendall nodded idly along, suddenly extremely glad the show was over and wanting nothing more than to get home and locked in his room –probably after a very long, very cold shower. Finally, they started to make their way out of the concert area. Momentarily, Kendall felt a little bad as he watched some of the other girls rush from one merchandise booth to the other to see what the difference in posters and t-shirts were, knowing that they didn't have the money for Katie to get anything like that.

"It's okay," Katie said, noticing his line of vision.

Kendall kinked a brow.

"None of them got to go up on stage like I did." She smiled.

He smiled too and nodded slowly. As they got to the restrooms, Katie announced that she needed to go before they took off, leaving Kendall to stay standing by himself outside the ladies room while Katie stood in the dwindling line. The crowds were thinning out fast as Kendall stood waiting, and he was suddenly thankful for the fact that things were much quieter now. Of course that didn't stop his ears from ringing from the loudness they had already endured, but it was still a little refreshing. Kendall slumped back against a nearby wall and huffed out a sigh, shutting his eyes for a moment. The sudden sound of a dog barking had green eyes opening once again, full of confusion.

"Isn't that Fox, oh my gosh!" One girl squealed.

Kendall looked in the direction of the voice. A moment later his eyes moved down to the ground and the little black and white dog that was worming his way through the shrinking crowd, barking his yappy little bark as he went. Kendall's brow furrowed for a moment.

"Kendall, are you ready to go?" Katie asked, coming out of the bathroom.

"Ye-"

"Fox, come back here!"

Damn it. He shouldn't have recognized that voice already. Now what the girl had said made sense, of course. He muttered a quick 'just a sec' to Katie before hurrying from where he stood, chasing after the little dog before finally catching up with it. He bent to scoop him up, Fox squirming in his grasp and growling at him for a moment before Kendall shushed it gently and scratched the top of his small head. The blonde moved back over to where Katie was standing, and as he approached, Katie's eyes locked on the dog in her brother's arms and widened.

"Kendall, that's-"

"Fox!"

Biting the inside of his cheek, Kendall turned toward the source of the voice. James was a little out of breath as he rushed up to them, a security guard following not far behind. He was still wearing the black tank top he had been wearing during encore, but being this up close to him, Kendall realized that the distance hadn't even begun to do him justice. James was far too good looking for his own good, he couldn't even be real. His hazel eyes –which were a whole lot more intense when they weren't forcibly brightened by excessive stage lights- locked on the small, husky-looking dog that Kendall was holding onto.

"Fox, buddy, you're killing me." James shook his head, a tiny smile on his face.

Kendall wordlessly handed the dog over to James, trying not to dwell too much on how soft James's large hand felt when it brushed his. The blonde swiped his palms along the sides of his jeans and gave an awkward smile and nod to the pop star.

"Dude, thanks, I owe you one." James said.

He was doing that thing where he let an easy smile work onto his face, one that was probably unintentionally distracting but distracting all the same. James glanced at Katie for a moment when Kendall didn't say anything right away and the brunette's smile grew even wider.

"Hey, Katie, right?" he asked.

Katie nodded quickly.

"Guess your brother's good for more than just shoulder lifts, huh?" he joked.

"Shoulder lifts, chasing after dogs. That's about all he's good for. Oh, and driving, he's okay at that too." Katie joked back.

How embarrassing was it that Kendall that was star struck and speechless in front of the attractive pop star instead of the little girl that was obsessed with him in the first place. James looked at him once again, licking his lips, and wow, Kendall really wished he hadn't done that because that didn't help at all.

"And what's big brother the hero's name?" he asked.

When Kendall didn't answer right away, Katie jabbed him with her elbow.

"Kendall." He choked out finally, wincing. He paused to shoot a sideways glare at Katie for a second and clear his throat before meeting those smoldering hazel eyes once again. "Sorry, I'm Kendall. Cool to meet you."

_Cool to meet you. Very smooth introduction._

James chuckled and nodded, "Yeah, likewise. Well, listen, I've gotta skip out before the fans that go lurking around for my tour bus actually find it, but I did mean I owe you one."

Kendall raised his eyebrows and exchanged a glance with Katie before looking at James once again.

"Are you guys from around here?" James asked.

"We live in Santa Barbara." Katie answered.

"Oh hey, nice. Nice beaches in Santa Barbara." James mused, "Anyway, look, I wanna thank you for catching the ball of trouble here, so." He paused and balanced Fox in the crook of one arm and used his other hand to reach into his back pocket and grab his IPhone, then holding it out to Kendall. "Put your number in and I'll text you some details about a party I'm having next weekend at my place here in LA."

"A party for catching your dog?" Kendall asked, surprised.

"Don't question the Hollywood party invite, Kendall." Katie mumbled under her breath.

"Catching the dog, being a cool brother. Enduring a thousand screaming girls for a night I'm sure you didn't want to go through." James smirked knowingly and Kendall just about choked on air.

"Alright, then." He mumbled, taking the IPhone and punching his number in the contacts.

Once he was finished, he handed the phone back to James and met his eyes for a moment. The tall brunette smiled him and only broke the gaze when his security guard, loitering less than a foot from the three of them, stepped forward and told him that he really had to get going. James thanked Kendall once again and reminded him about the text he should expect, one-arm-hugged Katie and said goodbye to her, then went on his way. Kendall stood dazedly, watching as he walked away. He blinked a couple times and then cleared his throat. Katie suddenly broke into a fit of giggles, earning a confused look from him.

"Are you always so graceful around people you supposedly hate?" She laughed.

Kendall rolled his eyes to try to mask his embarrassment. "Shut up, Katie."


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N; Hey hi hello! Sorry this took me longer than I was intending to update, writer's block has been a killer lately. I finally managed to crank this out and actually like how it came out so hopefully you guys will enjoy it, too!**_

_**I got a lot of feedback on the first chapter in terms of reviews/comments/favorites and all of that and I really, really appreciate that, thank you all so, so much! Let me know how you feel about this one, too.**_

_**Enjoy :)**_

_**-Kay.**_

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**Chapter 2**-

By the time Monday had once again rolled around, Kendall's ears were finally back to functioning without a painful ringing. He had never really imagined that the shrill screams of hundreds of girls would leave him moaning and groaning about how bad his ears still hurt all weekend after the concert, but such had been the way things worked out for him. The only bonus he created from the constant ringing was that it gave him an excuse to lock himself in his room all day Saturday and avoid Katie's continuous chattering about how amazing the concert was. He had been able to get the video of her on stage with James online for her and then let her go off on her merry little fan girl way, watching it to her heart's content and repeating the same story over and over to their mother. He mostly slept that day, feeling somehow exhausted. Maybe it was the whole embarrassing the crap out of himself thing. Whether it was being awkward in front of James or the fact that he actually felt some kind of attraction to the pop star that he was more embarrassed about, Kendall couldn't quite figure.

Sunday he had evaded another episode of _The James Diamond Concert Experience: The Katie Knight Edition_ by going over to Logan's house next door for most of the day. Logan was busy going over college acceptance letters which, admittedly, made Kendall feel a little self conscious somehow, but instead of talking about that, he had just nodded idly along and congratulated his best friend as letter after letter seemed to be full of a non-surprising want for the genius boy. Of course Kendall was thrilled for Logan, who wouldn't be happy for their best friend having options for school? The issue was that with money being such a struggle for them right now, the blonde was pretty sure he was going to have to hold off a semester, if not even a year, before he got to go to school.

He always tried to look at it as a sort of bright side, since he didn't really know what he wanted to do just yet other than something with music, but he was also somewhat disappointed that while other people were getting to go off and experience something like college, he would still be helping people take their groceries out to their cars and rounding up the carts that for some god forsaken reason people could manage to roll the few feet back to the rack.

Which, come Monday morning, now without a school schedule to prevent him from being there early, was exactly where Kendall found himself. Being there at opening meant double and triple checking the stock of the aisles and bagging when they needed a bagger. Thankfully mornings were relatively slow, because he was still finding himself sluggish after the weekend. It was just as early as he would have been up for school usually, but for some reason the whole post-graduation haze had taken over already. His old classmates were getting to sleep in or be going on vacation or just doing whatever they wanted, and there he was in a white polo and khakis with a forest green apron that might as well have said "I hate my life" across the front of it.

When his lunch break came around, he was pretty glad to go out front and find Logan rolling up on his skateboard, right on cue. They had been having lunch together every day since the fifth grade, it was nice that being graduated and not even being in the same place all day didn't change that. The two boys clapped a hand together and bumped fists before moving over to plop down in the metal chairs out in front of the coffee shop next door to the grocery store. Logan set the plastic bag he was carrying on top of the table and yanked out a can of orange soda, holding it out for the blonde who took it with a mumbled thanks before cracking it open and taking a long drink from the chilled beverage.

"You know," Logan started conversationally, "I never did get to ask you the other day how that concert with your sister went."

"And I was completely okay with that. Please, continue to not ask about it." Kendall replied.

Logan snorted out a laugh before taking a drink from his grape soda and nodding toward his friend expectantly.

"Really, though, that bad?" he asked.

While the dark haired boy typically knew next to everything going on in Kendall's life at any given moment, the blonde didn't particularly feel like sharing how the concert wasn't as terrible as he wanted it to be. He definitely didn't want to get into how he had actually found James Diamond incredibly attractive. Of course, the whole possibly being invited to a Hollywood party by the pop star was something that he was going to have to share and come up with a good enough cover story for, but Kendall was pretty good at thinking things like that up on the fly.

"Remember that time we thought sneaking into Hey Monday's set at the House of Blues would be a good idea because someone told us they were actually a good band live and we believed them, and we wanted to see if Cassadee Pope was hot in person?"

Logan winced, the skin around his brown eyes crinkling as his face took on an expression of distaste. "He was _Hey Monday _bad?"

Kendall shrugged with one shoulder and took another long drink from his can of soda. For a moment he felt the tiniest bit guilty, not only lying to his best friend about not enjoying the show at least the little bit that he had, but also because he was making James out to be a lot worse than he actually was. Not that he would know about that, of course, but for some reason Kendall still felt a little guilty about it. Now was the part he was sure was going to go over far from smoothly, however.

"He kind of halfway invited me to this party he's having at his place in LA, though." He said quickly, attempting to emphasize the charade that he didn't really care by shrugging once again.

Logan coughed as he choked slightly on the soda he happened to be drinking as Kendall spoke. Rolling his green eyes, he reached over and gave his best friend a hard smack on the back. Wide brown eyes looked at him finally, full of question.

"His dog had run out from backstage and was running around, I just happened to catch the thing, alright? I'm a good Samaritan." Kendall explained.

"Tell me, in what world does that get you invited to a party by Justin Bieber 2.0?" Logan asked.

"He's better than Bieber, I gotta give him that." The words had left his mouth so quickly, so without a thought, he almost wanted to hit himself. Quickly, he made a cover for himself before Logan could make a comment on the slightly defensive tone of his voice. "The guy said he owed me one for catching the dog, and then there was something about how he wanted to make up for me enduring screaming pre-teen girls for three hours. So he asked for my number and told me he'd text me about the party."

"Dude," Logan set his half empty soda can down on top of the table and looked at Kendall in that way that he tended to when he was concocting a plan. "You totally have to go. You could be like, _in_, you know?"

Kendall blinked, "No, I really don't know. What the hell are you talking about?"

"Kendall! This guy's a singer, he's like way popular in Hollywood, in music, and if you get in good with him, become his friend or whatever, you could totally get him to introduce you to label people. You could get a deal!"

Again, Kendall blinked. This time mostly because he was actually thinking about the idea Logan had laid out. It had potential, he had to give him that, but the problem was that the potential was a 50/50 chance of it working and of it being a complete failure. If it worked, hell yeah, Kendall would be ecstatic. All he ever wanted was to be noticed, to have his music be a career he could do something with. One of his biggest dreams was to be able to perform on stage, have people want to see him in concert and cheer him on. At one point in time he had said he would do anything in the world for that. Yet, somehow, using James didn't seem like the right way to do that.

Sure, he didn't know the guy really, and for all Kendall knew, James could turn out to be a total douchebag, in which case maybe he wouldn't feel _quite _as bad about using him for access to a record label. However, Kendall just wasn't that kind of person. He might have been able to devise a devious plan every now and again if he needed to, but ninety percent of the time they were plans that never went through. As much as he liked to think he could be bad, at the core, he was too good. That was how it had always been, and especially now with having to help take care of himself and his mom and sister, he really couldn't afford any scandalous disasters involving pop stars in the limelight if anything went wrong with this hypothetical plan to mooch.

"Dude, I'm not gonna use the guy to get famous." Kendall shook his head finally. "If I'm gonna get there, I'll get there on my own. Besides, chances are he like deleted my number right after that night and I won't even get a text about a party anyway. Probably better that way, too."

Logan rolled his eyes, "Oh yes, because going to a fancy Hollywood party full of cool famous people who you could only dream of meeting is such a _terrible _thing. Why didn't I think of that? Oh right, because I'm smarter than you are."

Kendall popped the tab off the top of his can of soda and flung it at the dark haired boy, chuckling when the tiny piece of aluminum hit Logan's cheek.

"Go home, asshole."

After shoving the empty soda can in the plastic bag for Logan to take along with him –since the kid was super recycle friendly and never let the blonde forget it- Kendall got up and started to head back toward the automatic sliding doors of the hell hole he called work.

"I don't know why I stay friends with you." Logan called after him jokingly.

Kendall tossed his hand up in a wave without turning back around and shouted a "Love you, too, man." before he was back to work.

.

The entire week seemed to drag on agonizingly slow, which Kendall mostly just pegged on the fact that he had taken on way more work hours than he was used to. When he was dragging his butt out of bed Thursday morning, his mom had stopped in the doorway to the bathroom while he was in the middle of brushing his teeth and looked at him with a somewhat sad looking smile. She hadn't said anything then, just kind of looked at him in that way that she did when she wanted to tell him something, but was holding back.

Typically it had to do with how she was proud of him working so hard, but didn't think he needed to be. Something about how he was still technically a teenager and he should be out having a life, not acting like he was man of the house. He had learned not to push her about things in instances like that, because it usually resulted in tiffs that he ended up regretting getting into with her after the fact. He loved his mom to death, and he would do anything for her –hence working his ass off every day of the week to help contribute to the household- but when she tried to get into telling him that he "didn't need" to be doing so, it just got frustrating for him, because he knew how tough things were for them right now. Sugarcoating it might have worked for Katie –even then it was a stretch, because it wasn't like Katie was even close to being oblivious- but he knew how shitty their financial situation was, and his mom telling him otherwise wasn't going to suddenly change his work ethic.

He wasn't about to follow in the footsteps of his dad. His dad who had decided walking away from his wife and kids was alright. His dad who spent more of his money on the alcohol he seemed to enjoy drowning himself in every other night than supporting the kids he had opted to leave behind. Sure, he was still managing a miniscule child support check every month or two for Katie, but even that didn't exactly count as any kind of redemption. The man made poor choices and got into trouble and more often than not somehow managed to drag the rest of them with him, despite walking out on them six years before.

Needless to say, even without the actual arguing with his mom that morning, even just the knowing look had kind of put Kendall in a sour mood by the time he got to work. It had been a long week already, and it wasn't Friday yet. That knowledge combined with his subtle and often suppressed frustration toward his home situation had him a little more than slightly unfriendly at the register while he bagged people's groceries.

Logan was quick to recognize his bad mood come lunch break time, and he asked what was up, but when Kendall muttered that he didn't want to talk about it, he let it go, just as he usually did when he caught a hint. The two had been friends long enough for either one of them to know when was a good time to push the other one. Logan had learned a long time ago that when Kendall got sullen about things and expressed not wanting to talk about them that it only lasted so long before all the bottled up frustration needed an outlet. So instead of pressing for more information at the moment, he let the matter drop and changed subjects to talk about how he had read some incredibly interesting article online about how some medical professionals were slowly finding ways to stop the growth of cancer cells.

Good for them.

That evening when he finally got home from work, rolling up on his bike, IPod playing Two Door Cinema Club loudly in his ears, his mom was on her way out the door, red hair up and decked out in pastel purple scrubs. She gave him a smile and wave, raising her voice over his music to make sure that he heard that she had already put a frozen pizza in the oven for him and Katie. He thanked her by way of a nod then told her to have a good night at work before heading inside finally.

"Kendall, Kendall, Kendall!" Katie leapt off the couch and practically bounced over to him nearly the second he was in the front door.

Sighing, the blonde boy yanked an ear bud out of his ear and kinked a thick brow at the twelve year old.

"Are you still going to that party tomorrow? Because if you are I have to help you pick out what you're going to wear because I can't have you embarrassing me around a bunch of cool people." She said.

Kendall rolled his eyes, "Haven't heard anything about the party, baby sister, so no."

"You mean he didn't text you?" The look on her face was legitimately disappointed.

He tried to take a moment to imagine what it must be like to look up and idolize someone, count on them for something, and then have them be a letdown. A little bit of an exaggeration, he figured, since he couldn't believe that Katie would be _that _upset if it was just him that had been 'invited' to the party and then not really invited after all. However, she looked pretty bummed to find out that he hadn't heard anything from the pop star. He hated to admit it, but he was a tiny bit disappointed, too.

"Luck isn't exactly our strong suit, as time goes by you get used to it." He shrugged.

Katie frowned, "Did you just quote one of your songs at me?"

Kendall blinked and let a thoughtful expression cross his face. After a moment he raised his eyebrows and let out an enlightened 'huh.'

"Actually no, but hey, that's a good one. I need to write that down."

Katie huffed out a sigh and shook her head at him as he slunk passed her to go to his room. Shutting his bedroom door behind him, Kendall immediately shed off his work apron, tossing it over the back of his desk chair. He moved over to the side of his unmade bed and slid his hand underneath the mattress near where his pillow was at, yanking out the worn and falling apart composition notebook that he scribbled down most of his song lyrics in. He had had the notebook since like seventh grade, and while there were some super bad, mortifying even, songs in there, he couldn't bring himself to get a new notebook. At least not until this one was either full or not even the repeated use of duct tape could keep it together anymore like it had so far.

He flipped open to the last page he had been writing on the night before, grabbing the uncapped pen off his bedside table and scrawling down the line of words in his messy handwriting. He read over the line a couple of times in his head, even said it quietly out loud to himself again. It was always sort of a process when he wrote lyrics. Whether it was just a tiny line or an entire song, there was always this small sense of uncertainty, of a lack of faith in what he was writing. Double checking, triple checking, rereading and rereading. He probably spent more time rereading old lyrics to try to convince himself they were still alright than he did writing new ones. Breathing out heavily, a furrow in his brow, Kendall stuffed the notebook back beneath his mattress and got up to shower finally.

Once he was clean and out of work uniform, into more comfortable black athletic shorts and a black and white striped tank top, he padded his way out into the kitchen to take the pizza out of the oven and cut it into its slices. He shouted to let Katie know dinner was ready then set a piece of pizza on a paper plate for himself before retreating back to his room once again with it. His bedroom door was kicked shut and he plopped down on his bed, nibbling at the hot piece of pizza. He realized that for whatever reason he wasn't particularly hungry and set aside the plate on his nightstand.

Kendall reached for his old guitar on the opposite side of his bed, slumping back against his two pillows once he had the instrument draped across his body. He absently strummed at the chords, his eyes glancing from one hand to the next as he toyed around with a new melody he was conjuring in his head. Playing the guitar and figuring out a melody was always easier for him than the lyrics part. It sounded cliché, or like some kind of chick wrote it in a script for him –which was probably why he never actually talked about it out loud- but music sort of spoke to him. It hit his brain and his heart in ways that words didn't always. He couldn't really explain it.

It was just that when he was playing his guitar, whether the tune was a new one he was coming up with right then, or it was something he had strummed along and put together a while back, or even if it wasn't one of his own songs, if it was just a song that he happened to love and had learned the chords to, everything was right. He could get lost in the sound, in the focus of playing, in the artistry of creating. Music was where he felt most at home, most himself. Most free, he supposed.

His phone buzzing on the nightstand momentarily distracted him, but didn't completely pull him away from what he was doing. He figured on the second buzz, realizing that it was a phone call and not a text, that it was probably Logan calling to check in on him after his crappy mood at lunch earlier today, so he didn't bother looking at caller ID before tapping the screen to answer it and bringing the phone up to his ear, balancing it against his shoulder as his hands moved back to his guitar.

"Yo." He said into the receiver.

"Hi, is this Kendall?"

Abruptly, the blonde yanked on one of his guitar strings, sending a loud, flat note echoing in the phone at his ear before he clasped his hand around the neck of his guitar to silence it. Quickly he sat up and set the guitar back where it went, suddenly anxious. It probably shouldn't have been so easy for him to instantaneously recognize the voice on the other end, considering he had only heard it the one time, and it had been almost a week, but he knew it right away. A part of him felt ashamed, but most of him just felt an overwhelming nervousness.

"Yeah. Yes. Sorry, yeah, hi, this is Kendall." He muttered in a rush.

_Jesus, slow your roll, spaz._

There was a breathy chuckle on the other end of the line that made Kendall bite down on his lip and listen intently.

"Sorry, I know I said I was going to text, and I meant to do it sooner, too, but my schedule's been kind of hectic and crazy this week." James explained.

"No worries, I get it." The blonde nodded, despite the other boy being unable to see it.

"I still wanted to invite you to the party, though. It's like really short notice, I know, and again, I'm sorry, but it's tomorrow at 8. Think you can manage?"

Kendall chewed at his lip for a second, mulling it over. The logical part of his brain was telling him that he needed to go to work tomorrow, and getting off at five would leave him getting home and showered by about six or seven, and it would probably take about two hours to get there, depending on traffic. That also meant an almost two hour drive back home after the fact. Kendall wasn't exactly one for parties, and given the situation with his dad, drinking wasn't big on his agenda either, but he figured a party with a bunch of Hollywood stars that could get away with that sort of thing, there would be alcohol. There were obviously a few good reasons for him not to go to the party, but there was another part of him that also really wanted to.

Not only because it was James inviting him –even if that did have a heavy weigh in on the vote- but because the last time he had really done anything fun and for himself was senior ditch day back in May. He wasn't even sure that counted, because technically it was just a day that he slept in passed his alarm and decided not to go to school at all after waking up late. He worked his ass off day in and day out, he had taken Katie to the stupid concert he didn't even want to be at in this first place, and his mom was always giving him those sad, 'you're working too hard' looks, so why not? Why not go and actually allow himself to possibly have a good time for once? Something just for him.

_Take a leap, Kendall, come on._

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, I should be able to, I think." He answered finally.

"He thinks." James chuckled. "I'll text you my address so you know where you're headed."

"Will you actually text this time?" Kendall was surprised to find that his voice sounded somewhat challenging.

There was a couple second's pause before James spoke up again, as if he was trying to think of his response, but when the singer spoke again, Kendall could practically hear the smirk in his voice.

"You have my number now, too. Feel free to pester me if I don't." he said.

Kendall wasn't sure what exactly possessed him suddenly that he was now feeling more confident than before. Maybe it had to do with the fact that James wasn't standing right in front of him, distracting him with that mischievous smirk and those intense hazel eyes. Come to think of it, that probably had everything to do with it. There was no pretty face to distract him on the phone, now he could pull off suave the way he should have back on Friday night.

"Now that was probably a mistake, because I most likely will actually do that." The blonde replied.

"I look forward to it." James responded.

There was something there in the pop star's voice. Was that- James was getting _flirty _with him, he thought. Kendall didn't want to read too much into it and turn it into something that it actually wasn't, but he was pretty damn sure he recognized the tone of voice. He had never had a guy talk to him like that before, but it was a way he himself had talked to girls on multiple occasions in the past. Licking his lips and clearing his throat, Kendall sat up a little straighter against the wall behind the head of his bed.

"I should probably let you go in the meantime. Get back to your crazy hectic schedule."

"But I'll see you tomorrow night?"

_No, don't sound hopeful, that's almost worse than the flirty._

Kendall felt like he should pinch himself or hold his breath or something. It was possible he was just imagining it, doing some stupid wishful thinking that James was flirting with him and really hoping he would come around. Again, he tried to remind himself not to think too much on it, knowing how he could get when he would over analyze little things a lot more than they needed to be.

"You bet." He answered.

"Good. Can't wait."

There was the subtle flirting again. With a quiet, hopefully not nervous sounding laugh, Kendall muttered a quick bye before hanging up. The eighteen year old stared out into space with a baffled expression for a few moments before shaking his head quickly as if to clear it. Leaping from his bed, he bounded toward the door to his bedroom and quickly flung it open, peeking his head out into the hallway.

"Hey, Katie!" He shouted out toward the living room.

"Yeah?"

A smile began to work its way onto Kendall's face as he leaned against the doorframe, almost dazedly. A laugh escaped passed his lips as he shook his head at himself, humoring his little sister's request from before. Why not give her even more reason to think he was the best? Besides, chances were her input would actually end up doing him some good after all.

"How serious were you about helping me decide what to wear to this party?"


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N; This chapter ended up a bit longer than I was anticipating, but the post-party exchange that happens ended up wanting to keep going and I had to sort of cut it off otherwise it was never going to end. Anyway, a semi-quick update on this one just because my writing muse kicked into high gear these past few days, so that's been nice. I got this and the first chapter of another new Jagan fic started so I'm on a roll, yay!**_

_**As per usual, thank you to everyone who's followed/favorited and commented/reviewed, you guys are awesome! Reviews make me happy :)**_

_**Hope you enjoy the chapter!**_

_**-Kay.**_

* * *

**Chapter 3**-

Flannels, band tees, a couple of v-necks, a handful of tank tops. Basically every plausible article of clothing that Kendall owned was dumped out of his dresser and closet, in a heap with his crumpled comforter on his bed. He was beginning to feel like he imagined a girl getting ready for a first date had to feel, figuring out what the hell was going to make him presentable enough to leave a lasting impression. It had never really occurred to him until he had started going through the options he had that he did in fact want to leave some kind of good impression. Some part of him didn't want this to be the only time that he got to do something like this, and not only just going to a party in LA with a bunch of famous people, but getting to see James. Of course, if anyone had asked him if that was what he was so anxious about, he would have denied it until he was blue in the face.

Katie had already tried to give him one of her halfway joking, halfway serious pep talks about not humiliating himself in front of the pop star again, one that Kendall had simple rolled his eyes at and brushed off. The fact of the matter was that, yeah, he had pretty much bit it at the concert, but he wasn't about to let that happen again, especially not after the way James had sounded talking to him on the phone. He really hoped he hadn't imagined that.

"O_kay_." Kendall groaned, coming out of his bedroom into the living room for what felt like the hundredth time, "This better be it or I quit."

The small brunette hopped off the arm of the couch she was perched on and eyed him in a scrutinizing manner. He should have been at work, really, not playing fashion show for his little sister. Sure, he had the sick days racked up from never taking them even when he was actually sick, but still. His mom had seemed entirely too thrilled that morning when she realized that he had taken the day off and was going to be doing something for himself later. Katie had, naturally, agreed, but Kendall figured his sister's happiness had more to do with the fact that her big brother was going to a party hosted by her favorite pop star. He wondered if she was jealous at all, if she was she didn't seem to show it. Either that or he was just oblivious in his irritation that he was actually nervous.

Katie eyed the pale blue v-neck tee and tan shorts ensemble with a thoughtful expression. This was way too much effort, he thought. He was thinking far too much. If anything he should have just been going with whatever he was most comfortable with showing up in. Sure, he may have subconsciously wanted something that was going to catch some eyes –a certain pair of hazel ones in particular- but the more logically thinking part of him said that he should be himself. If anyone didn't like that they weren't worth his time anyway.

And yet he was still relying on his twelve year old sister to approve his outfit for the night.

"Ehh, this is too boy next door. You're going to a party." Katie mused finally.

Kendall frowned, "I wear all black, you say too bad boy, I lighten it up and you tell me it's too boy next door. You're fired."

Their mom, seated on the couch, flipping through one of the few catalogues she still let get mailed to her, despite the fact that she couldn't buy anything in them even if she wanted to, glanced up from the one in her lap and looked at her son, smiling faintly. She had that look in her eye that she usually got just before going into one of what Kendall liked to call "typical Mom talks." Most of the time it was a pep talk of some kind. Ms. Knight wasn't particularly a lecturer, which he considered himself lucky for. Not that anything he did tended to merit any sort of hardcore lecturing, but it was still nice to know that even if it ever became something that was necessary, his mom wasn't best at it.

"Why don't you just wear what you would wear to a party here? They're only people, too, you know. They put their pants on one leg at a time, just like you do." She pointed out.

Which, yeah, that was really true, they were just people. Totally popular, talented, rich people who had been working in Hollywood for who even knew how long –since Kendall really had no idea what the guest list for a James Diamond party even looked like. There was also the fact that the last time Kendall had gone to a party there in Santa Barbara, it had been after the Sadie Hawkin's dance back in March, before school was out for a week for Spring Break. The dance had been "Wonderland" themed and he had left the whole outfit choice up to his date, that made it easy. No work for him. Plus, there were no dazzling pop stars at his senior Sadie Hawkin's dance, either.

"Last party I went to, I was wearing a king of hearts t-shirt and a plastic crown from the party store." Kendall noted, "Let me just go fish that out of the corner of the closet and put that on."

Ms. Knight gave him a pointed look. "I just meant that you should wear what you feel comfortable in. What you feel _yourself _in. You weren't wearing anything you stressed out over when you got invited to this party, why start now?"

She did make a fair point. Exchanging a look with his sister, Kendall blew out a heavy sigh and turned on his heel to retreat back to his bedroom once again.

A Guns N' Roses t-shirt. That was what he ended up wearing. It was plain black with nothing but a big band logo on the front of it, and he'd had it since his sophomore year so it clung to his slightly lanky torso pretty nicely. It wasn't really fancy, and neither were the pair of gray skinny jeans or all black, practically worn through high tops, but as it got nearer and nearer to the time that he needed to be leaving in order to hopefully avoid as much traffic as possible, the blonde had given up and said 'screw it,' taking his mom's and his own subconscious advice to just go with what he felt like wearing. Katie had scoffed at him when he came out of his room again before leaving, but he had ignored it with a roll of his green eyes and a dismissive wave of his hand.

The drive from Santa Barbara to LA wasn't too terrible, since for half of it he had a decent view of the ocean. Not that he could just watch that the entire time when he had a road to keep his eyes on, but it was still nice even in his peripheral vision. Thankfully, leaving around 5 got him through into LA county with little to no traffic. He couldn't say the same once he hit LA, however, and he was glad that he hadn't assumed he would still have plenty of time and left home at six instead. He didn't have any fancy GPS or anything like that in his beaten up little Toyota pickup truck, but he had wisely printed out some directions via MapQuest before he left home.

Despite the flirty connotations behind him insinuating he would text-badger James, it ended up not being what happened. Very nearly the second Kendall had gotten off the phone with him, there was a text with an address, which made work easy for him, he supposed. He had practically flown off his bed to punch the address into the MapQuest search bar after reading the text.

Finally, he was pulling up into the neighborhood that James's address was located in. Kendall couldn't say he was too surprised to find that it was a gated neighborhood and he was stopped on his way in, being asked who he was there to see. The guard eyed him somewhat suspiciously even after he mentioned being there for James Diamond's party, but he waved him through all the same, the blonde boy blowing out a heavy sigh of relief as he searched out a parking spot. For good measure, he parked up the street a ways, keeping his truck out of the direct line of sight from James's place, which he recognized right away since there were tons of people bustling in and out of the large mansion, as well as people hanging out on the front balcony overlooking the front yard.

The house was insanely huge. How much room did one guy even need? He couldn't have been that much older than Kendall, and honestly, he would have been just fine with a studio apartment to himself. A full-fledged mansion seemed crazy. One of the perks of being rich and famous, he figured.

Watching the party-goers that he could see from where he was, Kendall took a deep breath and blew it out slowly, fingers curling tightly around the steering wheel.

_You've got this, Kendall. Just be cool. Be. Cool._

After making sure both doors to the truck were locked, he shut the driver's side door and stuffed his car keys in his pocket, finally heading up the street toward the towering house. It seemed even more huge up close, which for some reason made it even more intimidating. The fact that he wasn't much of a party goer in the first place didn't really help to calm his nerves, because he was pretty sure even if this was just another party back at home with people from school that he would be twitchy and anxious. He was okay with being the good kid who just went to school and went to work and took care of his little sister when his mom worked nights. Parties were like cries for disaster to strike. Yet, here he was.

The music was loud even just out on the front porch, but as Kendall slowly stepped inside the open front door, it grew louder, the bass of whatever no doubt top 40 R&B hit causing the floor to sort of buzz with vibrations. His green eyes roamed around curiously, taking in the large house. Underneath all of the black lights, plastic cups, glass bottles, and dancing and chattering people, it was probably a beautiful house. He almost wished he had been able to see it before the party, just because there would probably have been a lot for him to admire. Then again, he probably would have drooled some in such a lavish environment, so maybe it was best that currently it was a bit of a hot mess.

He felt hot and sticky just after a couple minutes of being in the overcrowded house, making his way through people who eyed him with combinations of confusion and judgment. There were a few faces that seemed vaguely familiar, like he had seen them on TV or on the cover of one of Katie's magazines when she left them on the coffee table. Most of them were dressed in button downs and polo shirts, the girls in form-fitting cocktail dresses that showed off more than a little cleavage and a lot of leg. Maybe he should have taken one of Katie's idea choices as a good thing after all. He hit the wide, sliding glass double door that led out onto the back patio and took the quick opportunity to get a lungful of outside air. There was a pool, hot tub, and what looked something like a tiki bar out on the back patio, and there were tons of people out there hanging out, too.

_Jesus, how many people does this guy even know?_

After another gulp of air, Kendall turned back inside. He was almost thinking of leaving. This wasn't even close to his scene and if he couldn't find James in the first place, what was the point of coming? He tried to ignore the part of him that objected to leaving before seeing the brunette at all, suddenly feeling that slight flare of shame and embarrassment that still seemed to rear its ugly head when he realized that he was actually attracted to a tween pop sensation. Just as he was glancing toward the front door with a sense of need for escape, there were suddenly a pair of hands gripping onto his arm and tugging him abruptly to the side, into the kitchen –which for some reason seemed to be the emptiest area of the house, except for a handful of people.

Kendall blinked a couple times, shaking his head and letting a confused expression cross his face as he looked at who had dragged him into the kitchen in the first place. There were two girls standing in front of him now. The first, the girl who had latched onto his arm, had black hair that was streaked through with red. She wore a lot of black, he noticed first off, and based on the metal studs along the shoulders of her leather jacket, he figured she had to be really into the punk rock scene. The other girl was another face that he seemed to vaguely recognize but couldn't quite put a name to. She was cute, blonde, kind of girl next door looking in her tan skirt and pale pink blouse ensemble. She had a friendly, halfway apologetic smile on her face, like she was apologizing for her friend yanking on him like she had.

"You're cute and I don't know you. What's your name?" The dark haired girl asked.

"Um, Kendall." He said.

The blonde girl let out a light laugh and nudged her friend. "This is Lucy, and I'm Jo."

"_Oh! _You're Jo Taylor, from that zombie show." Kendall realized.

Lucy seemed unimpressed, rolling her eyes and examining the chipped black nail polish on her fingernails.

"Yeah, that's me." Jo giggled. "Are you new on something, or?"

"No, no, no, I'm not- I just, um, I kind of met James last week at a concert. We're.. friends?"

Both girls looked at him confusedly. Evidently he hadn't anticipated being the only person at the party who wasn't involved with the Hollywood industry. Clearing his throat, he opened his mouth to quickly change the path of conversation, but was cut off when another boy, probably not much older than himself, joined them. The shorter, dark haired Latino came up behind Lucy and Jo, draping an arm around both of their shoulders with a friendly grin.

"Ladies! Having fun? Who's your friend?" He asked energetically, then giving a nod toward Kendall.

"Not my friend." Lucy muttered almost immediately.

Kendall decided he definitely liked Jo more by default. The blonde girl let out a laugh and smiled at the other boy before motioning toward Kendall.

"Carlos, this is Kendall, he's friends with James, apparently." She explained.

Carlos's face lit up with something like recognition –though how the guy would recognize him was beyond Kendall because he was pretty positive he had no idea who Carlos was- and the tan boy's arms fell from around the two girls as he pointed a finger in Kendall's direction.

"Wait, Kendall from the LA show, Kendall?" he asked.

"I feel like I should say yes, so yes." Kendall replied awkwardly, a look of confusion on his face.

"Big brother the hero?" Carlos clarified.

It took Kendall a moment to realize that if Carlos knew to refer to him as that in the first place that James had to have actually said something about him. The thought made a grin work onto his face.

"That would be me." He nodded.

"Wait, you're the guy that lifted his sister up during the show?" Jo asked, eyebrows raising.

"Don't forgot chasing after the demon dog." Lucy added, earning a pointed look from her blonde friend.

"James has been talking about you like all week." Jo said.

Kendall suddenly felt like bouncing in place. What was James doing talking about him to a bunch of his famous friends? That had to mean that he had already left some kind of impression, right? That was good. It managed to help whatever nerves were still making him jittery on the spot fizzle away. He had the fleeting thought that he was acting like a girl again, getting all excited about some guy actually talking about him, but he quickly let the thought pass, not wanting to feel awkward again. Instead he shrugged his shoulders easily and let out a chuckle.

"Speaking of James." Carlos said, then turned halfway away from them, shouting toward the other open entryway to the kitchen. "Yo, Diamond! There's somebody here to see you!"

Kendall's green eyes followed Carlos's general line of sight. How anyone could hear anything over the loudness of the music, shouting or not, he didn't understand, but a couple moments after Carlos had called over to him, the blonde boy noticed James glancing up from a conversation he was having with another one of the party guests. There was a wide, toothy smile on the pop star's face, having just been laughing at whatever his other friend had been saying, and the simple expression made Kendall's chest feel tight. James pat his friend on the shoulder before turning in Carlos's direction and heading over. He was wearing another leather jacket, this one darker than the one Kendall remembered from the concert, this one also missing the ridiculously unturned collar. A black and white striped shirt clung tightly to his torso beneath that, paired with a pair of dark gray jeans. It didn't seem entirely fair that no matter what he seemed to wear he looked insanely good in it.

As the tall brunette reached his smaller friend, the two bumped their fists together before laughing, James lazily slinging an arm around Carlos's shoulders.

"What's going o- Kendall!" Suddenly James straightened up.

The blonde didn't know whether or not he should feel good about the pop star's deer in the head lights expression. James's hazel eyes looked the slightest bit glassy, leading Kendall to think he had probably had a few drinks already. A part of him wanted to be disappointed. Maybe because it was just a personal dislike for the unseemly drunk after the experiences he had had with his dad's problems, but he tried to remind himself that he was at a party full of a bunch of young people with money and next to no consequences, and they were trying to have fun.

_Don't screw this up, you're already here, roll with things._

"Hi, James." Kendall smiled faintly.

It had to only be a handful of seconds, but it felt like forever that James was just looking at him without saying anything. He glanced up and over Kendall's appearance, but much to the blonde's reassurance, there was no turning his nose up at the outfit choice. Their eyes locked again and Kendall bit the inside of his cheek anxiously. James's expression was unreadable. It wasn't scrutinizing like Katie's had been half the day, but it wasn't exactly full of admiration or approval either. If anything it legitimately seemed as if the brunette was caught up in just _looking_, just taking in what was in front of him, like one might be simply observing an exhibit in a museum.

Self conscious wasn't something Kendall typically felt, only because he didn't see the point. What was the sense in getting all caught up in what other people were thinking? If he was happy with the way he looked or the way he was doing things, why did it matter what anyone else thought? Somehow, though, that changed with James's eyes were on him. He was pretty sure Lucy, Carlos, and Jo had a certain level of attention on him, too, but they didn't bother him. Their watching him didn't matter. They could eye him and judge him and think whatever they wanted, but James, James made him feel anxious. And he hated it. He hated that some stupid pop star that he barely even knew the name of up until a week ago was suddenly turning him into some school-girl-crush having chick in a matter of like fifteen minutes total time in one another's presences.

A smile worked onto James's face once again as he reached to clap Kendall on the shoulder, shaking the boy from his thoughts.

"Glad you could make it." The brunette said.

Kendall nodded, "Wouldn't miss it."

Despite the other standing there, and despite the nerves that were fluctuating inside of him off and on, his tone of voice held a certain level of flirtatiousness. It only occurred to him after the fact that maybe he shouldn't get like that in front of the pop star's friends, because who knew just how much they knew.

"I'm bored." Lucy declared, thankfully diverting Kendall's focus from solely being on James. "We should play a game."

He resisted the urge to snort out a laugh, glancing over his shoulder back into the living room area where people were crowded together, drinking, dancing, and talking. Playing a game didn't entirely seem plausible with the dozens and dozens of people at the party. He seemed to be the only one to have that thought, however, probably just because he was used to trying to include everyone in everything. He always had been the type to make sure everything was fair. It was one of the things Katie often told him made him a "sucker."

Jo seemed all for playing a game at her friend's suggestion. Carlos immediately suggested 'Never Have I Ever' which had Kendall stiffening slightly, especially as the rest of the few of them seemed just as enthusiastic about it. There were a few different reasons Kendall tended to avoid playing 'Never Have I Ever' when it came up at parties. The first, and typically the most obvious, was the fact that it involved people drinking themselves stupid half the time because it turned into a 'let's see how often I can make so and so have to take a drink' game. The second was because he always had really lame things to contribute. He wasn't exactly mister goody two shoes and never got into trouble or things he shouldn't have, but he wasn't really big on the things that tended to get brought up in this game, either.

Make outs, sexual experiences, both things that Kendall didn't have a ton of, those were the things that tended to get brought up. And, yeah, okay, so he had lost his virginity after his senior homecoming and had made out or hooked up with a handful of girls that were really into the "tortured musician" type –as Katie liked to call him- in various settings, but there was nothing totally over the top or interesting. Even if there was, the want to share all the details and make some kind of show out of what he had or hadn't done, it just wasn't Kendall's style. He was quiet about those things. Half the time even Logan only got a quick 'it happened' recap and then it was rarely ever spoken about again.

He went out rarely, to parties, to the movies, to whatever, if anyone wanted him to, and he would smile and laugh and do what others asked of him if he needed to, but most of the time, he could generally be described as the tight-lipped, designated driver who may or may not have sucked face with the girl who had invited him along by the end of the night, depending on how he was feeling. The sad truth of the matter was that somewhere between age thirteen and age eighteen, Kendall had gone through a quick process of hitting middle-aged and gotten mostly boring and responsible, aside from attending the concerts he and Logan tried to make a semi regular thing.

Sighing and forcing a smile, he followed the others anyway, standing around the slab of island counter in the center of the huge kitchen. Carlos was laughing as he lined up red plastic cups and poured from a glass bottle that Kendall couldn't quite read the label of. As a cup got handed over to him by Jo and he caught a whiff of whatever the drink was, he was momentarily glad that he probably wouldn't have to drink much of it. Glancing up across the counter, he caught James's gaze, the singer noticing his slightly wrinkled up nose and looking at him with a combination of question and concern. Admittedly, Kendall was a little surprised when he moved around the counter to stand beside him instead of Carlos.

"You alright?" James asked under his breath.

Mustering up a smile, Kendall nodded. "Not a big drinker, that's all."

James pursed his lips momentarily and glanced at Carlos who was still busy pouring drinks for the two girls with them. He held a finger up, just above the counter so that only Kendall would notice it out of the corner of his eye. The blonde's brow furrowed as James grabbed another red plastic cup, this one empty, and turned to the counter behind them. The pop star tugged a water bottle out of the pack of them on the counter and unscrewed the plastic cap to pour the bottle's contents into the empty cup. Turning back toward the island counter, James held the cup out to Kendall, taking the one with the alcohol in it and dumping the contents into his own cup.

Flicking his green eyes toward Carlos and the girls, Kendall realized that they were immersed in whatever joking conversation they were having and hadn't even noticed the exchange in drinks. Kendall looked up at James, and he imagined that his face had to look something between thankful and confused. James gave him a smile and a knowing nod, no words being spoken between them, but some kind of understanding being there all the same.

"Okay!" Lucy said, drink finally in hand. "I'll start out kiddie, just to be nice. Never have I ever gotten a parking ticket."

Carlos and Jo both took sips from their drinks, Jo looking sheepish and Carlos shrugging.

"Alright, my turn. Never have I ever…" Carlos paused, letting an exaggerated thoughtful expression cross his face.

"Used your brain." James joked with a laugh.

Carlos gave him the finger, but laughed along with the rest of them despite himself. Finally he got out his question, something about making an excuse to his parents to get out of trouble, which even Kendall took a sip of his water for. Jo's was about having never gotten caught sneaking out after curfew, which Lucy, Carlos, and James all drank to, but Kendall didn't. James's turn was after the blonde girl's, and Kendall found himself much more interested in what it was he was saying than he had been with the others.

"Never have I ever been thrown out of a party." He said.

Lucy was the only one that drank on that one. Then it was Kendall's turn and he realized with a sinking feeling in his gut that he had no idea what he was going to say. All four pairs of eyes were on him, waiting expectantly for what his statement was going to be. He chewed his lip for a moment before clearing his throat.

"Um, never have I ever, uh, been naked in public." He said finally with a shrug.

Jo and Lucy didn't drink which wasn't so surprising. What did cause his eyebrows to raise was the fact that Carlos and James both exchanged a knowing look before each taking a drink, then laughing. They reached across the counter to high five each other with wide grins. Even the girls looked a combination of confused and curious, Kendall noticed. Thankfully Lucy didn't seem to have a problem asking them for the story, because he found he actually wanted to know.

"Streaking at Woodstock." James chuckled, "Carlos's idea."

"Sure, sell me out!" Carlos laughed.

"I am but an innocent bystander to you and all the trouble you get into, dude." James joked, earning a snort from the smaller boy.

There was a slightly fond smile on Kendall's face, watching the exchange between the other two boys. For a moment he was vaguely reminded of himself and Logan. He wasn't sure how long Carlos and James had known each other, but they were obviously close and got along great. They might have been a little more of a heightened version of him and Logan, more energy, doing more, but it was kind of cool to see that all the same. For some reason, he had this idea that famous people lived in this different realm that didn't involve a lot of the niceties that someone like him would have in his life. Which was kind of stupid, he knew, because why didn't someone like James deserve to have a best friend he could rely on, too? Realizing he was letting his mind wander too much, he shook his head a little bit with a light laugh before paying more attention to the game again.

The game continued to progress, quickly getting into the 'never have I ever fooled around in the back seat of a car' and 'never have I ever done the walk of shame' and things of the like. Kendall only had to sip his water at a few of them, otherwise most of his time was spent watching James out of the corner of his eye. Every time the pop star had to take a drink, there was a slight grin on his face. Not exactly proud, more almost that he was amused that he actually had to admit to doing whatever it was that had been said. The further the game went along, the more Kendall realized he wanted to know about him. He wanted to be able to ask what kind of things he liked, where he went when he needed time to himself, who his greatest role model was. He just wanted to _know _him.

Being there at a party, standing next to him and playing a dumb drinking game, it became a lot clearer that his mother had been right when she had said these people were just that, people. James was just as much a teenage boy as he was, laughing and having a good time with friends, making a fool out of himself. Sure, he had a lot more luxury and maybe come tomorrow when he had work to get back to he would act differently, but right in this particular moment, Kendall felt like he was seeing a whole new person. Not some pop star that his sister was obsessed with and had dragged him to a concert for, a concert that he had absolutely dreaded. James was a boy, or a man, whatever, just like he was. There was a part of Kendall that began to cling onto this idea, hoping it could mean something. What, he didn't quite know yet.

People eventually began coming through the kitchen to get hugs or pats on the back from James as they said their goodbyes. The party was beginning to dwindle and finally sparing a glance at a clock, Kendall realized that it was after midnight already. He had quite the drive ahead of him in getting back home, but he was reluctant to leave just yet. If he left and went home that meant it was over, that this night was done. Who knew if there would be another chance for him to do anything like this, let alone be around James at all. The idea that after tonight he could be in Katie's position, observing him from a fan perspective, only ever seeing him in pictures and videos in magazines and online, it made his stomach lurch. He had already made himself accept the fact that he couldn't be angry over liking him now that he had actually spent time with the guy, but what was he supposed to do about still liking him if he never got to see him again?

The prospect became even more apparent as a very tipsy Lucy needed to be helped outside to her car, and Jo and Carlos manned either side of her to help her out. Shockingly, and maybe it was just because she was a little on the tipsy side too, Jo smiled and half hugged Kendall on her way out, stuffing a folded napkin into the pocket of his jeans with a sweet 'nice to meet you, Kendall.' After Lucy and Jo were on their way home, Carlos came back in only to say goodbye to the other two boys, telling James to text him later before he was on his way, too. Shutting the front door behind his friend, James breathed out heavily before turning to where Kendall still stood awkwardly.

"Carlos is pretty cool," The blonde pointed out with a small smile. He hoped it wasn't painfully obvious that he was dragging out leaving. "Have you know him for a long time?"

James smiled and nodded. "We did some child modeling together forever ago. Kind of been best friends since. He does mostly TV work now, wants to direct and stuff, but obviously we still hang out all the time."

James's words were tired and a little slurred, probably from a combination of the alcohol he had been drinking and the fact that he had had a long day and it was late. Kendall chewed his lip, the smarter part of himself telling him to not outstay his welcome, and the more needy part –or as he wanted to call it "clingy girl" part- of him not wanting to go.

"Did you have a good time?" James asked.

He had moved closer to him, kicking a plastic cup on the floor out of the way as he stepped nearer. There was still a smile on his face and Kendall didn't think it was really fair that even half drunk, it was an extremely beautiful smile. A little crooked, tired looking, but in that way that was playful and boyish. He was getting distracted, something he was finding oh too common around the pop star. Finally he nodded, giving a smaller smile in return.

"Thank you, by the way. For inviting me, but then for the whole water thing, too. That was really cool of you." He said.

"I'm a cool guy." James replied with an easy shrug of his shoulders.

Kendall breathed out a light laugh and nodded, averting his eyes to the hard wood floor. James moved another step closer to him, making Kendall suddenly aware that if he needed to take a step back he would be right against the arm of the plush leather couch. Glancing up again, his green eyes landed on James's face just as the brunette was licking his lips. Kendall's teeth dug into his lower lip. He really hated when he did that. He wondered if James knew just how distracting he could be, what kind of effect he could have. Then again, maybe James wasn't even aware of Kendall having any kind of interest in the first place. Maybe he was just being friendly and himself, not anticipating that there be anything beyond that.

"It was no problem, though." James said after a couple moments of quiet. "I'm glad you had a good time."

A thought occurred to Kendall after a second and a slight smirk tugged up the corner of his mouth as he met James's eye.

"Does this mean I can give away your phone number now? I'm sure you have fans dying to get it." He joked.

James wrinkled his nose up, and it was probably one of the cutest expressions the blonde had seen on his face all night. "I don't really feel like changing my number for the seventeenth time, so if you could not do that, that would be great, thank you."

"Seventeen times?" Kendall laughed.

The brunette tried not to laugh, but one slipped out anyway as he nodded and stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets.

"I'll make sure to keep it to myself." The shorter boy said with a reassuring smile.

"Hm, good." James nodded slowly. "Feel free to, you know, use it. Text, call. I'm-" he paused, clearing his throat and letting his glassy hazel eyes roam over Kendall's face for a moment. "Yeah, I'm cool with that."

As much as Kendall wanted to take it to heart, he snorted out a laugh anyway and raised his eyebrows. "You're pretty drunk right now."

"I am." The singer made a face and let his eyes fall closed as he continued speaking. "I should go to bed, actually, but you're here, and I can't do that with you here. Or I could. But I mean, that might be rude or something."

Kendall did his best not to frown. "I should probably get going anyway."

"Mm, right, long drive for you." The brunette replied, opening his eyes again to nod slowly. "You're not gonna like pass out behind the wheel are you? Because, I mean, I've got three guest rooms, you could leave in the morning."

For a moment Kendall let himself ponder the invitation. James was actually inviting him to stay in his house over night. Sure, it wasn't exactly the stereotypically implied 'stay the night' but that didn't matter. It still left the possibility of waking up in the morning and seeing James groggy and messy-haired, probably a lot like he was now, only just getting up for the day. There could be a tired smile on his face as he made coffee –if he even drank coffee, which in Kendall's fantasy he did. But that was just it, it was a fantasy. He knew he couldn't really stay the night. Even if his mom might have been torn between being upset with him for not coming home and somewhat glad he was actually breaking the rules for once, he did need to be home in the morning for Katie's sake. With a sigh, he shook his head.

"Gotta be home to let Katie in when she gets home from her friend's house, because Mom'll be at work already." He explained.

"That's riiiight. Big brother the hero." James snickered. "Cute."

Kendall's eyebrows shot up momentarily. "Cute?"

"Didn't I say that?"

A confused expression immediately wiped the smile from the singer's face, and the other boy sighed, realizing that he really had had too much to drink. Who even knew if he would remember half of this conversation come morning.

"Alright, alright, you lush, I'll get out of here so you can get some sleep." Kendall joked.

The shorter boy moved passed the other, beginning to make his way to the front door.

"Kendall, wait."

Taking him by surprise, James's hand shot out and grabbed hold of his arm. He sucked in a quick breath, hoping it went unnoticed and looked down at the large hand loosely gripping onto his arm. There was a warmth that suddenly flooded him at the touch, radiating throughout his body and causing him to wiggle his fingers slightly as he felt like they were tingling. James had his lower lip caught between his teeth when Kendall looked up at his face again. It seemed like they were both holding their breath, like everything was still and silent, until finally the pop star let out a breathy, halfway nervous sounding chuckle and dropped his hand.

"Text me to let me know you got home okay, alright?" he said.

Clearing his throat, Kendall forced out something of a laugh, hoping his voice didn't sound as shaky as he suddenly felt when he jokingly asked, "Will you even last that long before you pass out?"

"No, probably not." For the second time, James wrinkled his nose up, shutting is eyes this time and then running a hand tiredly over his face. "But text me anyway, I'll get it in the morning."

Pressing his lips together, Kendall nodded slowly in agreement. His mind was still reeling as he finally turned toward the front door. James followed and opened it for him, murmuring a good night with a crooked smile before the blonde was hurrying down the walk and hearing the front door close once again behind him. He paused on the pathway, looking back up at the gigantic house with a puzzled expression. Somehow despite his not drinking he didn't exactly feel like he was of the clearest mind. Glancing down at the arm that James had held onto again, he chewed at his lip, thinking about how warm and strong his hand had felt against his skin. He could feel his face flush and coughed quietly to himself before quickly turning and half-jogging up the sidewalk to his truck to finally head home.


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N; This took me so, so, SO long to update and I really apologize for that! I happened to get pretty stuck with this chapter, because I knew the general direction I wanted to go, but the getting there was what took me forever. I'm still not 100% about it, but it got a little background in and it leads up into the next chapter, which hopefully won't take me as long to come up with as this one did.**_

_**Thanks so much for the patience, guys. As well as all the favorites/follows and comments/reviews. I really, really appreciate all that, so thanks so much!**_

_**Hope you enjoy the chapter :)**_

_**-Kay.**_

* * *

**Chapter 4**-

The sun was just starting to go down finally, signifying not just the end of another day, but the end of the weekend. Kendall felt a little stupid, having slept most of Saturday, as if his body needed some kind of recharging after the party the night before. He had ended up home around four in the morning, crashed on the couch and stayed asleep there for just long enough until Katie came home around nine, then zombie-walked his way to his bedroom to go back to sleep once again. The next time he had opened his eyes, it was nearly five in the evening. Evidently his younger sister and mom didn't deem it necessary to wake him up for anything important.

Today he had forced himself to stay awake all day after having not gone to bed. Sleeping all day Saturday left him staying up way later than intended. Caffeine and sugar had been his friend most of the day as he had sat on his computer, scrolling through twitter feeds. Mostly one twitter feed in particular, but he had ventured from just James's twitter over to Carlos, Lucy, and Jo's twitters, too, just out of curiosity. Other than quick 'great party at James Diamond's the other night' type posts, there wasn't much said. Kendall didn't get a text back after letting James know he had gotten home alright, like the pop star had requested, and while he tried to act like it didn't bother him, something about the lack of response did.

It wasn't as if he was anticipating anything extravagant or life changing. Even just an 'okay' would have been better than nothing. Yet, nothing was what he got. Instead of texting again, Kendall let it go. Or tried to let it go. He _wished _he could let it go. He had shut his laptop, huffing out exasperatedly, then gone to play his guitar for a while. When that didn't suffice for enough distraction, he went over to Logan's. Then after about an hour or so of rehashing the party to his best friend, Logan had chores his mom needed him to do, which was how Kendall had ended up here; on the roof of his house.

It wasn't unusual for him to spend time hanging out up there. Technically it was usually when he needed the air, when he was feeling overwhelmed –whether it was work or school, or being unable to figure out the song that he was working on. There were a couple times, too, where he had found himself sitting up on the shingled roof after a phone call from the county police department called to inform them of his dad's arrest, or when hospital bills came in the mail for hospital visits none of the people actually living in the house were patients for, but his mom worked to pay them off anyway. It was where he went to get away. It might not have been far from much or anything particularly special, other than the fact that he had a clear view of the ocean from up that high, but it was enough for him a lot of the time.

The sun was half past the horizon already, making a shimmery orange reflection over the water as it continued to lower. The sky was a mixture of pinks and yellows and oranges, gradually darkening as they went up from the horizon. Kendall thought about paintings, how artists could blend colors together perfectly. Vaguely he wondered if anyone could really perfect the colors of a sunset, because it was so pretty, the colors flowing together faultlessly. It didn't seem possible, or maybe it just wasn't possible for him because his artistic capability came in words. Sometimes.

Kendall kept his green eyes focused ahead on the quickly setting sun, sighing and resting his chin on his knee as he brought his legs up closer to his body. He would have been inside if he wasn't certain that if he were so much as sitting on his bed in his room that he was bound to pass out from exhaustion. Never again was he going to let himself stay up all night. His being as tired as he was didn't help his mind from wandering off to Friday night all over again. He wished he could go back, keep the night on loop. It might not have been a perfect night, but at least it was something. At least James was there, then.

He practically whined to himself as he laid his legs out in front of him again. This was stupid. This whole thing was stupid. He should have never gone to that dumb concert with Katie, never learned how good looking and not so lacking of talent this James Diamond was. He could have lived forever in his own little world where he knew nothing about the guy, but no. No, the world had apparently felt like punishing him for something. It seemed a fan of doing that.

There was the faint sound of rubber soles scraping along the side of the house before Kendall glanced over and saw Logan hoisting himself up onto the roof and sidling over to sit beside him.

"I'm surprised you haven't passed out yet." Logan noted conversationally, chuckling under his breath.

Kendall rubbed at an eye. "Avoiding it til it gets a little later. I have work tomorrow; I should probably get a good night's sleep."

"Are you alright, dude? I mean, I was trying to peg it on the whole staying up all night and just being tired thing, but you seem.. I don't know. Down. Like something's wrong." Logan said.

The blonde sighed and scrunched up his nose slightly. It wasn't a real shock for Logan to catch on easily when something was up. Spending half their lives together, they each got used to how the other acted when something was wrong. Logan was usually really easy to tell, didn't take much prompting either. He had one of those motor mouths when he was upset. He could rant for hours, literally. Kendall was more of the suffer in silence and get broody and snappy with people variety.

"I don't know what's wrong with me, man. I'm being a total girl about things." He mumbled.

"You're gonna have to elaborate a little for me there."

Kendall sighed heavily. "What do you do when you think you like someone, but you can't be sure, because you don't really know each other, but you also don't know how to _get _to know each other because there's extraneous circumstances and-"

"I don't think extraneous is the word you're looking for, it means irrelevant, essentially."

The blonde simply stared blankly at his friend before a sheepish expression crossed the shorter boy's face and he cleared his throat, making a motion for Kendall to continue.

"There's just stuff in the way, you know? It's not easy to get to know each other, but then there's this lingering curiosity about all these possible 'what if's and I don't know what to do about it. I'm sitting around sulking and listening to stupid pop music and creeping twitter feeds, like- I'm turning into my sister, I swear."

Frustrated, Kendall slumped back so he was lying against the roof, then tossed an arm over his eyes as he shut them. He could hear Logan taking a slow deep breath beside him, his best friend probably processing the short ramble he had just let out.

"So this is about that James guy then, right?" Logan clarified.

"Unfortunately." Kendall mumbled.

"Hm…"

Hearing the slight change in tone of Logan's voice, Kendall moved his arm off of his face and opened his eyes again, kinking a brow in question. When Logan glanced back at him after a moment, he shrugged and then let a halfway disappointed looking smile cross his face as he looked away again.

"It's just, back in sophomore year you told me I was the only guy you ever really thought you could like in more than a friend way, and I figured that made me special somehow." He shrugged again.

Kendall frowned and sat up stiffly. "Logan, you are special. You're my _best _friend. How many other guys can say that they grew up together, and stayed friends after a confession like that?"

"True." Logan mused with a chuckle. "I guess it's just a little different, is all. Imagine if you started dating him."

"Let's not." The blonde groaned.

"Have you tried texting him?"

"Don't want to bother him."

"But he _told _you to bother him. What if he's sitting there just like you are, waiting to hear from you and moping around-"

"Hey, I am not moping around."

"No, you're definitely moping around. You're on your roof. This is mope territory." Logan gave him a look that practically dared him to object.

Kendall narrowed his eyes at him slightly before sighing and laying back on the roof once again, defeated. He knew Logan was right.

"Look, all you have to do is send the simplest of 'hey' text messages and if he answers, great! Initiate conversation! If he doesn't, then he's either busy or stupid. Either way, you're not going to feel any better until you try, and you know it."

The blonde pursed his lips in thought, staring up at the darkening sky for a couple moments before his eyebrows shot up, an idea occurring to him.

"What if I texted Jo? She gave me her number, too." He said.

Logan laughed and shook his head. "Only you would think texting the girl is the alternative. Do you know how hard it is to text a girl when you're into her?"

"Well I'm not into her."

"No, you're into the one that you'd be texting her to avoid."

"Shut up, Logan, stop being smart."

"Not possible." Logan chuckled smugly.

Kendall shut his eyes and breathed in deeply. Even if he did convince himself to text Jo instead of James, he didn't really have a game plan for that. Something about texting the girl at random and asking if she had heard from James lately didn't seem entirely cool of him. Not to mention the fact that while, yeah, he was feeling pretty close to desperate, he didn't want to _look _it.

"You know what, I'm just gonna leave it." Kendall declared.

Logan kinked a brow. "You're just gonna leave it?"

"Yep. I'm not gonna text anyone. I'm gonna go to work and play guitar and bug Katie and hang out with you, just like I always do. Who's James Diamond? I don't know any James Diamond."

Logan squinted at him, obviously scrutinizing him in his delusional idea that he could act as if nothing had happened. He knew it wasn't entirely plausible, but he didn't know what else to do. Kendall Knight was not one for desperation. He didn't chase after people, especially not rich, famous, and good looking pop stars who were not only far out of his league, but also held the possibility of not being interested in him, to boot. No, pretending nothing happened was the easier solution.

Sighing, he shrugged his shoulders, earning a slow shake of the head from his best friend.

"This is not going to go well." Logan mumbled.

..

As it turned out, and as Kendall should have really anticipated, his plan to act like he lived in a world where James Diamond didn't exist proved to be difficult. Logan played along the best he could, not bringing it up, not asking questions or pushing him. Work served as a distraction, keeping him not only busy being focused on work itself, but also out of his house and away from his computer where he could be stalking twitter feeds again. However, it was after work that the plan became more complicated.

Katie was obviously out of school for the summer, too, and with their mom headed out to work just as Kendall was getting home from work more than half the time, that left the two kids a lot of time together. Even with locking himself away in his room and leaving Katie to whatever it was that she wanted to do out in the living room, typically when he came home, he was still subjected to hearing the poppy music of his little sister's favorite heartthrob.

He couldn't exactly be mad at Katie for liking the singer and continuing to listen to him or talk about him, he just kind of wished that there was an easier way to tone it out. It had been easy before. Turning up his IPod, cracking rude jokes, walking away to his room. He'd done it all before to avoid the excited chattering about the young pop sensation that Katie adored. Yet, somehow, now, it didn't feel right. A part of him liked to hear about James, even though he hated to admit that. Even if it was just a quick 'so James's video was on TV again today,' it brought up a mixture of feelings.

The first tended to be interest, curiosity. Like even just hearing the singer's name could make him perk up like a dog that was just told he was getting to go out for a walk. Then the second was usually a mild irritation. Irritation because he was conflicted about feeling so interested, irritation toward himself for coming up with a plan as stupid as 'pretend nothing ever happened.' Then usually came some form of indifference. Things had happened, he had gone to a party and seen a James that not a lot of other people seemed to know, and yeah, it had happened, but it was once. That was that. James had his life, Kendall had his. That was how it had to be. Lastly tended to be the annoyingly crippling sadness, the dull ache and the twisting in his stomach. The wanting something more. That was always the worst.

When Wednesday finally came around, hitting the midway point of his work week, Kendall was praying for the downside of the week to get over with quickly. Not that he had anything in particular planned for the weekend, but admittedly he was exhausted. Working from seven in the morning until four in the afternoon, on his feet, rounding up carts and helping people out with their groceries, it was exhausting. It took a lot out of him, not only physically, even. It was busy work, and it was for the sake of keeping him distracted, but for the sake of keeping him and his family stable, too, he knew, but a part of him hated it.

Coming in the front door after shouting a quick goodbye back over his shoulder as he passed his mother on the walkway, Kendall wasn't very surprised to find that Katie was laying on her stomach on the couch, flipping through a magazine as her music played quietly in the background. Even at the low volume that she had it at, Kendall almost immediately recognized the baritone voice. Suppressing a groan to himself, he worked to untie the forest green apron from around him as he stepped into the living room.

"What's up, little sister?" he asked conversationally.

"According to this quiz, my ideal first date is a concert." Katie replied, taking a second before looking up from her magazine. "Your influence on me is too strong, take it back."

Kendall chuckled lightly at her joking, rolling his eyes. "What'd you want for dinner, punk?"

"Logan brought over some of his mom's lasagna while you were at work. It's in the fridge." She said.

It wasn't much of a surprise to hear that Joanna Mitchell had made some extra of what she and her son had been having for dinner for the Knight kids. She and their mom were close and Joanna knew about the working situation that Ms. Knight was dealing with. Sometimes it was nice to have that fallback.

"Good, because I didn't feel like cooking anyway." Kendall mumbled, turning toward the kitchen.

"Hey, Kendall?" Katie called, halting him and getting an eyebrow raise in response. "So, let's say that.. there's a concert I want to go to and-"

"I'm not taking you to another James Diamond concert, Katie." Kendall muttered, turning on his heel.

Katie hurried up from the couch, following him into the kitchen.

"Come on! This is a big deal, okay? His tour is supposed to be over, but he booked one last show because he decided he wanted to and I _have _to go! Please, please, please. You guys are like friends now anyway."

"Katie, I haven't talked to him since the night of his party, it's been almost a week and nothing. Plus, I met him in like total passing, he was just being nice to me for helping catch his dog and whatever. I wouldn't call us friends. Besides, I told you, no more concerts for you unless it's _good _music."

"How stupid do you think I am?" Katie placed her hands on her hips.

Kendall jokingly made a face like he was mulling the thought over for a moment.

"I've seen your recent ITunes downloads, and I've heard you playing with the chords of Worldwide, so don't even tell me you don't like his music."

"Hold on a sec," he turned from the fridge and held up a finger, brow furrowed. "You've been on my _ITunes_? Katie, that's like me reading your diary."

Katie rolled her eyes. "I didn't read _your _diary, even though I know you keep it right under your mattress by your pillow."

"_How _do you-"

"That's not the point, Kendall!"

Kendall sighed heavily, shutting the fridge door slowly and turning to look at the twelve year old. He made a mental note to move where he kept his lyric notebook, just for the sake of safety. Shaking his head slowly, he bit his lip.

"I'm not.. saying that I'll take you, but where's the show he's doing at?" he asked haltingly.

"Here! That's why it's such a big deal." She answered.

"Wait, wait, hold on." The blonde let a confused expression cross his face, full of disbelief. "What do you mean _here_?"

"He announced it in a video he tweeted earlier today. He said that he's been wanting to do a show at the Santa Barbara Bowl for a while now, since he's done it once before and he really liked the venue, so he decided to add one final show of the tour there." The girl explained. "So see, I _have _to go. It's the closest to home he's ever come, and it's a last minute show, and who knows when or if I'll ever have an opportunity to go to a concert like this again and I know you want to see him again, too, because you've been moping all over the place and-"

"I have _not_ been moping. Jesus, you and Logan both with the accusations." Kendall scoffed.

His sister frowned and looked at him seriously. "Look me in the eye and tell me that you don't want to see James again."

Sometimes it was scary just how perceptive Katie could be. He could remember the first time he had ever had the confliction of thinking about Logan as something more than just a friend. Katie had only been ten at the time, but she had still known when they had come home from having a barbecue for Fourth of July in the Mitchell's backyard.

She had played around with him and Kendall all day, even though they were mostly goofing off on skates and a skateboard and all she could do was chase after them. When they had gotten home that night, Katie had sat down next to Kendall on the couch, looked over at him and said "You look at Logan and smile a lot, he's special to you, isn't he?" She just _knew _him. Kendall had never figured out how she did it, and it still wasn't something he had quite gotten used to.

She was right, he knew. He would have liked to see James again, in fact the moment she had so much as mentioned him being in town at all, he had practically wanted to jump for joy. It was an excuse, he figured. He hadn't found any other excuse to text or call or any of that, why not use the perfect location of a concert to his advantage?

It was too perfect. James adding a last minute concert, and in Santa Barbara of all places. Kendall tried to avoid letting his mind convince him that it had something to do with him. James knew that was where they were from, and it just so happened that he added a last minute concert on a whim, after the party that Kendall happened to be at. It had to only be a coincidence. He couldn't let himself think it was more than that.

"I can't go to the concert, Katie." He said quietly.

"Why not?" she asked.

"It's complicated, alright? I- Yeah, you're right, I'd like to see him again, but at the same time, I don't think I should want that. I went to a party he invited me to, great, cool, it was fun, but that was it. That was all it was supposed to be. A friendly, fun thing, not- not whatever I'm feeling now. I'm not you, baby sister. I'm not supposed to be like this. James is your crush, not mine." After a moment, Kendall shook his head and ran a hand down over his face as he let out a half humorless laugh, "I can't believe I'm even having this conversation with you right now."

"Oh, suck it up. You fell victim to the curse that is loving James Diamond, it happens to the best of us." Katie waved her hand dismissively. "You know you want to go."

Kendall turned away from her to peel back the plastic wrap covering on the glass dish of lasagna he had pulled out of the fridge and set down on the counter.

"Please, Kendall. I really, really want to go. This is like, a once in a lifetime thing, and who knows, you could talk to him again or something, you know?"

Opening the drawer in front of him, he pulled out a fork, then reached into the cabinet to grab a plate to serve his dinner up onto.

"I swear I'll never ask you for anything ever, ever again, just _please_. Come on, big brother!"

"_Katie._"

Kendall slapped his hand down on the counter, fork clinging against the tile as he did. He breathed in slowly, letting it out in a sigh as he slowly turned to face his sister. She was looking at him with an unsurprising pleading look, her bottom lip protruding the tiniest bit. When it came down to it, he did know how much James meant to Katie, as his fan. She had loved him and his music for a long time, and she was right, this was too good and coincidental an opportunity to pass up.

Still, he felt reluctant. True, it was exceedingly difficult to pretend to live in a world where he wasn't effected by James Diamond when in actuality he really was, but he was still trying to manage it somehow. He didn't want to want someone that was so far out of reach, physically or otherwise. He didn't want to be interested in or know of James at all, it had never been something that he thought would happen. But it had, and as much as it frustrated him to admit it –even though he was likely to never do so out loud to any other person- it had happened, and he couldn't seem to change it.

After chewing thoughtfully at his lip for another few seconds, he blew out a breath. He ran a hand through his hair, then back down over his face before shaking his head and letting an expression of distaste come across his features.

"How much are the tickets?" he asked finally.

Katie squealed excitedly and bounded forward to squeeze onto him tightly, already muttering a fast string of thank you's as she hugged him. He managed to let out a light laugh as he slowly shook his head at her. Much like the first time he had been forced to take her to the pop star's concert, he actively worked to remind himself that this was for Katie. He was doing something nice for his little sister who didn't get too many nice things like this very often anymore. That was all.

So he tried to tell himself.


End file.
